Thursday, October 9, 2008

Oh, my legs

Oh, my legs hurt so bad. Why can't they do something to help my legs not hurt so bad? It's 7:30 a.m. and it is sooooo bad. They do not give me enough pain medication to cover the month, and now that this leg pain has escalated, it seems no ones gives a care. Jim cares, but what can he do? I've never gritted my teeth in pain before. It is getting quite unbearable. Ohhhh, my legs hurt!! No wonder people commit suicide over chronic pain. You feel like you are in a world all alone, and it *feels* like absolutely no one care a hill of beans. I don't like taking pain medication, but sometimes it feels like the only friend you have. At least it brings relief and comfort for a while. What a world you have elapsed into when a stupid little white pill, or a lolly pop is the only friend to get you to feeling comfortable again. Once the cycle is broken, it is good to go for a while, then WHAM! the cursed, black witch of pain hits like a creep. Oh, how I wish for a little return to the real world where I can walk, or at least move in the bed, to get around. But myl egs...... they are so heavy, it's hard to get them to move. Sometimes it takes Jim and me both to move them around on the bed to reach the side so that I can inch my way, or get the pad. the baby pad (so humiliating), to move with me to carry me along, to get to the edge of the bed for Jim to help pull me up so I can scoot to the potty chair just inches away. THIS is LIFE???? Who, pray tell, wants any part of this? I do not. No muscle strength; move just a little to much and then I've got the pain to endure from the use.. I lie here, one position all of the time.

I'm so tired now. It is 8:00 a.m. Snot is running down out my nose, and I have to catch it before it runs into my mouth. And just the opposite, my nose is stopped up so that I cannot blow it, and I have nothing to spray to loosen it. Well, fiddle stix! Now Ive got my head to hurting. Not very bad, Just on top of everything else it is just an accumulative process.

Everything I have done to treat the legs, including the mirapex, is beginning to kick in now, and much added to that, Jim and the girls are up, and LIFE is beginnng to permeate the house. Does that mean a new day has dawned, bringing with it NEW HOPE?

Here's to the dawn of a new day for us all. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

1 comment:

Jocelyn said...

Hi Ragdoll Billie, I can't imagine the pain you are having. I could feel the hurt as wrote the post. I wish there was something they oould give you to have freedom from at least one of the hurts. I have never had pain from my head to my toe but I felt it in reading your writing. I also feel that maybe some relief was coming through and I hope that your day goes better now that you have had some pain killers. I could feel your pain easing off near the end. We know that God has a plan for your life. In fact I believe you are living that plan right now. You are encouraging to people as you tell about your life, you show compassion for others (eg.Coleman) and you set an example that shows how much you also love God. That is an example of the highest type. I love you and hope your day ia filled with release from the pain.