Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Day of anticipation

This has been a long-awaited day for us...... Isn't waiting just the worst thing in the world? This is the day for Jim's return visit to the urologist to find out about his prostate cancer, it's aggressiveness, and treatment options.

OUTCOME: First the bad news, he has cancer. Second the good news, It is early, and self-contained. His treatment of choice at this time is robotic prostatectomy.

His appointment was for early this morning, and we decided for me to stay home. It was early and cold. We have certainly learned, or are learning the importance of prioritizing, and to not knock a good boat when you have one, and that is what we had at 6:30 this morning.

You know, I do not feel as uptight, scared, and whatever else about his cancer stuff as I did back whenever I talked to my doctor about it. At that time, it was just a fear of mine. A B-I-G fear! But now, I've had to face my fear more closely. Does that mean I do not care any less? No. Does letting the big "C" stress me out mean that I am *more* concerned than if it didn't? No. It just means I have placed it in its rightful place. This goes for anyone. Being overly distraught doesn't mean you care more than someone who takes it with more composure.

I still have not reached that plateau with my sister yet, though it is just this personal thing of mine that I'm dealing with, which *I* think I've come a ways since her initial breast cancer news last year. I think I am more burdened with all she has facing her now, rather than the cancer itself. You know. That helpless feeling of not being able to do anything.

Well, sleep crept in and stole its bit. 4:30 a.m. now. Calling it quits.

Striving for a world without Myasthenia Gravis

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