Friday, January 25, 2008

Come on, it's time to go home

Just thinking about getting it altogether to leave the hospital, tenses me, and I'm back to the land of pain assessment, and prevention. I repeat, stress just messes with my MG more than anything else. This is always a hard time for Jim and me. Give it some thought. Think. Think. Him do my clothes; me do my bedside stand which is mostly just stuff thrown into the drawer. My, oh, my, hasn't that changed since last May! Everything is whittled down to my laptop, a *what we used to call composition books*, cell phone & charger, Puffs, and most important of all..... that deep, shiny, maroon baby Kensington mouse that got away from me while in Admin/Holding. Whew! Get this baby back home! All packed up and ready to go, balloons for sure, and an hour earlier than anticipated.

We made it over to Schnapp's office early. Would things work out our way? Would we get in early? We were going to eat when we left his office, so growling tummies were anxious to know. Billie Wages. Hey! That's me. We had only been there a few minutes when called. Whoopee! Different nurse this time. *He* asks some questions never put to me before. Nothing wrong with them; just that since I have been seeing Schnapp for more than fifteen years he already knew these things. I dunno...... I think I just felt like he was intruding where he oughtnota. After he left the room, I turned to look at Jim. We just shrugged our shoulders, raised our eyebrows, and shook our heads like "we didn't know." Maybe he was new.

Good appointment with Schnapp, but it was what I expected. *s* We went over my pain med needs, current prescriptions, with him only changing one of them in quantity that should be just right until the next treatment. This is the best I have felt about things since the very first treatment last May 4th. It will be interesting to watch the next three weeks. Schnapp's last words to me were to get a hearing aid! We were through with everything Memphis except for eating. Abuelo's had our name on it, and was calling us, so that is where we headed. After more than a week of hospital food, it was just what any doctor would order, for sure. Well, we might have to prod - does the word coerce sound feasible? - one or two here or there. *s*

Our trip home began one of the hardest times I have had in a long, long time. I'm not even really sure what to say about it, but since I've said this much, I guess I have to keep going. Jim had already told me that Ashley was moving in with Billy. That was not too bad. Talking about my feelings here. Not whether her decision was good, bad, or whatever..... just talking about my feelings, in my blog. We were headed up I-55 when Jim got a text message. He handed me his phone where it read that she and Billy were moving to C. C. to move in with Billy's mother. Of course, that means baby, too. Say, maybe this one......

I text with Ashley on the way up to Blytheville, concluding with plans for her to come over the next day for us to talk. She was sick Wednesday, and didn't make it over here until late Thursday afternoon. I didn't even remember that we had so many tears within us. I was doing *fair* until she and baby walked in. There is no description to tell of how that baby felt as I, at first held him so tightly..... words totally escape me right now. Then he and I had some good play time together, and ended up *singing* together. He was so precious, trying to move his mouth like mine, and trying to make the sounds I was making, just the same sound over and over.

Then we had to make kisses. He was all into doing that! Slurppy kisses. LOL It was hard to play with him because I got so tickled. It brings a smile to my face as I am remembering now. Oh, Ashton, you beautiful, funny, baby boy! How I do love you.
This is the sloppy, slurppy tongue that likes wet kisses.

Just an all-around beautiful baby boy with great big eyes.

Now this is a baby that is ready to go to sleep.
Sleep, baby, sleep.

Nah, no time for sleep. Man's got things he's gotta do.
Like give his Mammaw slurppy kisses for one thing..

When Ash got ready to go home, she gave Ashton back to me for me to have for a bit. I took him, but it just hurt too much, and I had to give him back to her. It was not good nor right to subject the baby to the war of our emotions, because there was no doubt she was full of them also, though it was the hardest thing in the world to do.

So, how has Friday been? Physically, better post IVIg than any previously, I think, to the best of my recollection. Emotionally. I thank God for computers, and my skills to be able to at least be able to be productive as my mind is off on the obvious. Why? What would it be obvious? Too much for now.

Gotta call it quits for now, quickly. MG has struck big time, and I'm having trouble closing this up, and publishing it. I have very little use of my hands and fingers, plus I nearly fell during a trek to the ladies room just moments ago. Tremors of the arms, with strong tremors of the hands, especially the right one. Breathing is labored. The weakness feels as if I don't care if I never raise up from the bed. It feels soooo good to lie back, the head is elevated approximately 45 degrees, so I do not have to worry too much about choking should I fall asleep, and my neck is getting good support. Means I can relax. Means I can just go and read in a.s.d. The sudden drop was most likely caused by the stress of the related incidences. Good or bad. Stress is stress is stress, and It does not take much at all to set me off. seem to be stuck in "Go" and do not know how to change gears! Let me go and see if I can find them somewhere. *s*

Striving for a world free of Myasthenia Gravis

No comments: