Wednesday, April 2, 2008


Yesterday, we finally made it for my appointment with my Primary Care Physician, Dr. Franklin. He's been putting up with me for about nine years now. When I went to him he was intrigued with my multiple autoimmune diseases. He told me at that time that he was interested in them. I wonder today, after all he has been through with me, if he still feels that way. After yesterday, I think so.

We have had to cancel several follow-up appointments with him because one of us has been sick, or there has been inclement weather. I have not seen him since Jim's diagnosis with prostate cancer. In fact, I think the next to last appointment we had was when he and I talked about my fear of cancer, and he told me he was glad we had that talk, that it was important for him to know. Ironically, just after that, Jim got his news. Then, about the same time my sister receives a Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma diagnosis. WOW! It rained down cancer all around me. It was so real as to feel unreal. Surrealism? Maybe so because Brenda is in North Carolina, and it is hard for me to place her in her real-life situation. No hair? She said the expediency in shaving her hair helped her deal with the emotional part. Okay for her. I know she is handling it beautifully; that is Brenda. There are still a few pebbles in the road for me yet, but that is my problem, for sure not hers.

When she was diagnosed with breast cancer I talked to her about getting text messaging, told her all the pros that I knew she would like about it, and then with further coaxing from nephew Jimbo, she did add it, and I know *I* have been so happy ever since that she did. We both share this thing of thinking about others (each other) but not necessarily in the *mood* for talking, and texting gives us that opportunity to just say, "Hi, I'm thinking of you, and I love you," without having to . . . well, I'm not in the mood right now to describe that particular idiosyncrasy. We understand it. It goes back to when Mama died. In the mood, huh?. Ha! Not in the mood to say "Thank you for renting the bed?" No, she doesn't necessarily want me to say anything. It's the way we are. Why are we so afraid to let our guards down? What would happen if we did? I don't have the answers. It just seems like since Mama died that we have walked in a different periphery, different boundaries maybe? We pulled ours in close. For safety? Why am I afraid to let it go? What would happen? Would I crumble like Humpty Dumpty? You know they couldn't put Humpty back together again? I am just remembering all the things that Brenda and I had to do in the days surrounding Mama's death. Goodness, I haven't thought about all of that in a long, long time. It's all about Mama isn't it? It is. Remember the night a while back when you had to call and hear my voice since you couldn't hear Mama's voice? That is what I would like. Someone to talk to about Mama. Maybe I have someone. Get ready, someone. I miss her terribly. Especially right now. It's okay. I just miss her. It's okay to miss someone. In fact, I should worry if I didn't miss her. I miss Robert, too, but with what is going on in my life right now, it is Mama I need (see, Debbie, you never get too old to need your mommy). We stay little girls forever because mommies need their little girls forever, too - at least in my book they do. *smile*

At my appointment yesterday we talked to Dr. Franklin about the experience I had with my last IVIG experience of spending six days in the ER, and never getting to go to a room, along with some other issues. He was not happy with that at all, and talked especially with Jim. We talked about how the IVIGs were working. It was all in all a very reassuring visit. In light of the new Singulair news about the psychological side effects, we agreed for me stop it to see if the tremors, and other stuff would go away. That would be nice if it was at least a somewhat contributing factor. Blood work for taking methotrexate was also done.

I had my camera at ready going south on I-55. We were on the look-out for three things. First, were the hawks that sit on the fence posts waiting for road kill. Jim only saw one, but there was a big truck in the way for me to be able to catch a shot of it. Another thing was our Christmas tree. Yep, there is a tree off the side of the road and someone has put tinsel decoration on it, and it has hung on there through all the storms that have ravaged through the area since December. Billie missed it. When traveling with Jennifer, and you tried to show her something out the side window, she would say, "Fennifer missed it."

The other thing we were sure would be there for the picture taking would be water. Much of the state of Arkansas was covered by water last week. That also meant the Mississippi River would be up, and farm land near it would be under water. Here are a *few* pictures I took as we crossed the bridge going over into Memphis. Click on the pictures for a full image.

Farm land between
West Memphis, Arkansas
and the Mississippi River

Still traveling on I-40 along farm land

Finally, the bridge up ahead.

Looking from the bridge at
the swollen Mississippi River
and the Memphis skyline.

Looking down the river,
Memphis to the left.

No comments: