Saturday, May 16, 2009

My oasis

My bedroom and my closet. Everything there is about me is right there in that one spot. I had it all so nice, even had a place for mother's green love seat. If I could have anything, I would have that room. I have pictures and what-knots in one of the chest of drawers. They would be nice here in my book shelves. Sooooo much of my stuff would fit nicely here. Ashley is going to be by there this weekend, and she could gather up some of that and bring to me to fix up my home-away-from-home. I hope everyone realizes I have not died, and wants to help themselves to my things. Oh, if I could only grow another pair of legs. I want to tend to my own life, and not have other people doing it for me. My heart breaks. It breaks. Then it hurts me so bad to think that I have caused so much trouble for Jim, and it's thought my being here is in his best interest. Sometimes I wonder where I fit. I don't know. I really just do not know.

One day as I sat at the table in the dining room, I watched a lady slowly make her way with her walker, shuffling one foot at a time very slowly, walking nonetheless. I thought "I don't even remember what it *felt* like to walk. I turned to Jackie, a double amputee, and asked her if she ever *felt* that way, and she responded that she did. That's when I related walking to a feeling. Not something I've ever thought of before. I laugh sometimes whenever I try to lift my legs, especially the rght one, and it just lays there, but I keep on straining and nothing happens. Now how did I get here? For one thing I tried to lift my leg. It just tremored but didn't come up off of the bed, same with the left one. If I am sitting, I can take them and bend them under me.

Think I might try going to the dining room for breakfast today. I bought a scanner and it is supposed to be delivered today. It can scan up to 16 slides at a time. Now to get the slides. Jim brought me some pictures that I've enjoyed looking at. I have my printer here but don't know where the cd with the installation software is. Maybe I can find it online.

Guess I'll go. Things to do.

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