"Friends, friends, friends, I have some friends I love,

I love my friends, and they love me....">

Well, I hope they still love me after so long since they have visited and I have posted that visit here. That goes for my blogger followers, also. Several unsavory things have come my way, and might I claim ththose things as *excuses* for reasons for being so long in posting? They are partially reasons, but......

The biggest surprise in all of my life was when this petite little head peered around my curtain, and needed no introduction whatsoever; she was beautiful! It was almost an unsavory time for visitors (no! don't you go away, you :). Jim was antsy in his chair facing the door, speaking to everyone who passed the door, which he does anyway, but in a "hurry, get on by, you're in the way, don't you know?" attitude. Know what? WHAT was going on? They he jumps up from his chair all excited, greeting whomever it was in the doorway that it WAS okay for them to be obstructing the passageway. MARGERY! Margery Fennell, Margery Fennell Morris! No, it cannot be. She lives in Alabama.

We talked, we giggled, it was just like long ago. Time passed all too quickly, and they had to go finally. We all asked questions. Larry asked questions of my wall which thrilled me so. Thank you Larry for wanting to know who everyone was, going way back into the 40s. Any more you've thought of that you did not get answered? After I get some scanned, I'll have some older ones, and you can come back and look at those and see if you know who those are. Chaces are I might not know who those are if they are too old, though. He couldn't get over we have five (5) great grand children - me neither, Larry..... the cost went up considerably, and each one didn't seem to understand why.No way can she be here in Jonesboro at the nursing center. Wonder of all wonders.

Margery, you will never know the love/friendship I have had for you all these years, and have longed to see you once again beyond our youth, and I do consider our time on our way to Turkey still in our youth. My, I was still VERY young, and I'm sure you were, too. lol I got to Turkey, and found out I knew absolutely nothing at all!! Nothing! I got off that plane, and wanted to get right back on it headed to the states, even to Maryland, even on a prop plane, even in the rain! Thank you for coming to see me. Thank you very, very very much. That was quite a surprise you and Jim cooked up. That had to be the best one yet for him I do believe.

Margery Morris
visiting me at Skilcare Nursing Center
October 16, 2009

Margery and Larry Morris
Skilcare Nursing Center
October 16, 2009

Beat it!

I can beat it, yest I can beat it. Though I have lost so much, I still believe, walking ONE step at a time.....let's not get ahead of ourselves now or we'll trip over our own two feet, and mine are large.....I can beat it!

Friends, more friends ringing in my heart

It has happened again! Friends have shown up at our door. Or maybe I should say, suddenly shown again within our hearts! Again friends from Turkey. I have to say they are more punctual than I am in writing about the blessing he brought to my life.

We were in Turkey twice - in the 1960s we were in Izmir (biblical city of Smyrna), and that is when we were friends of the Sassers who were here a couple of months ago. Then in the early 1970s we were in Ankara. While there we were members of the Galatian Baptist Mission, a Southern Baptist church pastored by a Southern Baptist missionary Jim Leeper. Jim was originally from Dayton, Kentucky, which is just across the Ohio River from Cincinnati, Ohio; his wife Jean was from Michigan. Now living in Louisville, Kentucky, since their retirement, this week they were on their way to San Antonio, Texas, to visit with their son and his family. Their trek from Louisville to San Antonio was going to take them across central Arkansas, bringing them close to us. We spent a couple of hours reminiscing, and catching up on long ago friends.

Here is a picture Jim took of them (he was in better picture-taking position) at their recent 50th wedding anniversary.

They also gave us a picture of their beautiful family, Tracy, Kelly, Kerri, and Jamie. The children were all young when we were in Turkey at the same time, and do not have memories

Keep on walking

I walked around my room this morning. My legs tell me when I have reach my limit. I am going to start winding down a few steps sooner because the last few steps cause me to nearly faulter, and feel like I am about to stumble. Nonetheless, I have made it each time. I was especially proud because I have an upper respiratory infection and am not feeling well, running a fever, and the nice things that accompany that, but I want to gain my walking freedom, so I persevered, and made about four turns in my room. Yippie I yay! Yippie I yoy!

My legs tell me when I have reached my limit. They, as in the past at St. Bernard's, think it is muscle strengthening and building. Jim, as do I, disagree, and I will have to pull my thoughts together on it later by going over the research notes on myasthenia. For now, if I can manage enough to get around in my room, I will take that and be happy. No questions, nor judgments at this time. The only thing I want are my Christmas graphics!!! Something like these .......

Taking a turn

It is time to take a turn. Enough of one problem after another bogging me down.

It is my favorite time of the year..... Christmas is drawing near.

If you can't fly, then WALK!

Yes, that is what I did yesterday, September 28th. I still cannot believe you would call it walking, but I put one foot in front of the other and propelled myself onward.....yes, forward. My goal was there. I had done it when being assesed for what I could do, but for some reason this was different. It was just *B* and me. I stood. Tested those legs. Looked at *B*. Nodded, then said, "Let's go," letting out a breath at the same time. I stopped at a metal chair we had set up there just in a certain position so that if I needed to sit down, it was exactly where I wouldn't need to take a step, or movement change of any kind, but rather just plop myself right down and maybe write myself a letter.....no, no.....rest my probable, shaky, weak legs. Not much problem, but getting up posed a new problem. My feet were slippery on the floor.....no traction. Uh, oh. What were we going to do. There we were in the middle of the floor, nothing surrounding us. Then *B* put her forefinger to her face (really she did) and stood before me, touching my bare toes with her shoes, and looked firmly before my eyes, no smile of any kind....no foolishness here. There was something between our fingers, our hands, our arms.....less try it again, and let's GO.....YES!! Up I came again, and off I went, letting go, and on my own again.... running down the runway oops I'm not flying, just walking toward the bathroom. *B* was waiting for me there, and when I arrived she looked at me and virtually shouted, "You made it!" Who ever had someone praise them upon reaching the bathroom? Out of breath, I was SO happy. I looked up at her eyes. I could smile!

Zig Ziglar on my appreciation

What can I do for someone else today? So many have done so much for me.

No one has done as much for me, I guess, just thinking right now, as the Larson family, who began this year with the death of little Coleman. Not enough can be said about them with Peggy's daily journal's. And then there was Jocelyn's Random Act of Kindness, her giving me a Team Neva Div Up shirt which surpassed anything I could have ever imagined, never in my wildest dreams. Now this was after coming all the way from Texas out here to this little corner of Arkansas to see *Jim and me* while I was yet still in the hospital, believing God had laid it on their hearts. I love it the way they tell it that they were just sitting there, Jim turned around, and said, "Let's go to Arkansas." Up and away, here they came, and spent the whole weekend, doing something for us I could never have dreamed of, bringing miracle after miracle. Literally miracle after miracle, the like of which cannot be retold here. What love, and oh, how much I appreciate everything they shared, still in amazement with ALL they did share with us that weekend. I know they are reading this, and I just want you guys to know how much I love you, and this is on top of everything else.

That was followed by a visit from the Sasser's all the way from Louisiana, but first with a swing by Izmir, Turkey, in the early 60s, where we became as a family in 1964. (See the self-picture of us below ;). In fact Patricia may have become closer than any family member could ever possibly have been with her love for our first born son Jim; Jimmie was there in the delivery room when he was born in 64. Now THAT is pretty close! We love them so!

These are only two expression s that have been done for me recently. I really love you guys.

Team Larson's "Neva div up" shirt, given to me from Jocelyn

Pat and Jimmie Sasser with son jimbo today

EDITED: This accidentally published, and was not yet completed

Zig Ziglar on my ability

"You are the only person on this earth who can use your ability." Zig Ziglar

This plays so well into our MG. We MGers are like snowflakes, no two of us being the same. I am the only one with my abilities. Only I can do what I will with what I have. Yesterday I did what I did with the ability I had. Today I will do with the ability that I have been given. Tomorrow I will do with the ability that I will have been given. I am the only person who can use my ability.

Neva div up!

You are the only person on this earth who can use your ability.
Zig Zigler September 17, 2009

What a wonderful day.....

What a wonderful day. I know we can say that about a lot of days, and I certainly do, but a recent Saturday was a real exception in greatness. The morning crept on, and I had not heard from Jim about the absurdness of even considering the thought of his not coming over (did I get that all twisted and turned around, or what? you guess!). I fired a text off to him.... "Pluuuzzz ... I'll let you come visit me today!" Subtle or what or not... lol! Not very was it? In a few moments, in he walked.

Ken came in not long afterward to visit with Dottie. He had a coupon for Ruby Tuesday he shared with us since we eat there so often. Us? Eat at Ruby Tuesday frequently? No more than at Cracker Barrell like we did recently.....hmmmm was it ever so good, too! It was for crab cakes (actually most any buy one get one, free, ore something or other), and I knew right away that I wanted the crab cake dinner. It is delicious, and i hope with the brocholli it is pretty good for me, too. Couldn't help but snitch a few bites of the mashed potatoes.....very small bites, too.....I promise. :)

Every time Jim comes we "went out" by eating in my room, usually something special we never get to eat otherwise. Looking over this coupon stirred my appetite the for crabcake diner. It is really, oh. so good! Now for me to sway from from Ruby Tuesday Ribs it has to be super.....and it is! So. This was our decision. No good sandwich for us this time; a meal. Nearing eleven, Jim went on to get our food while my mouth began to water, tasting the crabcake about to pass my palate. It may sound silly, but we were going to get tea for two also; they have they delicious tea!

They can talk about *primed rib* and anything else *primed* but I was primed without the usual "what do you want to eat" routine we normally bark upon because it sound good to Jim, too.

After the hmmm gooods were done, and the trash gathered and disposed of, we set about gathering the latest news between us. Today also included a shopping list to Wal-mart. I try my best to not incude those, but invariably there is something I am needing from there, but there is always something I am needing.

We started about cleaning out the middle drawer of the chest best beside my bed. It was still as Brenda had left it when she was here, and there was quite a bit that needed changing, plus chunging along.....is chunging a word.....let's just pretend it is for now.

One of the things I've been doing is trying to recapturing my drawing. :o( Well, my pencils came up missing, and I know they were here. Without a big long spiel about knowing they were here, and belief they were still here, I had set about looking and looking for them. I was just sure I had seen them waaaay under my bed.... how far under a twin bed can you go..... but could not reach them even with my reacher. It was one of the first places I had Jim to look. He got my reacher, and I knew he was reaching for something, and it was probably the pencils. Little did I know it was going to yield a small gold mind encased in silver. Yes, he identified the pencil bag, which he did very demurely. Oh, I was so happy to see that mesh bag with those pencils inside of it!

There was discovery after discovery, and after each discovery we Praised the Lord, for it was evident He was pouring them on, one blessing after another. What more could there be. Reminds me of a Gaither song that says "If he keeps on blessing and blessing, if he keeps on pouring them on....?"

It makes you wonder just how much more wonderful it can be doesn't it?

It makes me long for each new day, for........

I know my God is real..... yes, He's real, He's real to me!

The stone in my shoe

It's not the big things, but the little things in life that cause the most difficulties each day.

My mouth, oh, my mouth

Oh, my mouth, it hurts so terribly bad. I wonder what in the world it could be. Will it ever stop this hurting so bad-e-ly? Oh, how I hope it will be. I doze off just bar-e-ly, and all of a sudden I jerk with a wake of sharp shooting pains throughout my tongue. It's GOT to stop, GOT to stop! I tell-e-you! 'Ever heard of it? 'Ever heard of it I ask? There is one thing I know of, and it's no fun I say, oh, no I have no desire to have it at all. No desire whatsoever at all!!

Well, my sweetie is here, now, you know, and he will make it all better.

Something new is in the air

Seems to me, it ought to be, something good for me, if I go outside, and do something like draw or make things with my pipe cleaners ..... *how about some books from the craft section on how-to* ..... or whatever it may be while I breathe the air, newer than that that is flowing through my air mattress :-).

I've already printed pictures this morning, and have some more in mind; oh, I hope they don't bring on the food too soon! They can be cut out while I'm out there. I also made a pipe-cleaner mobile that I hang the three from Utah on. Crude, rather crude, I say, but hay, it's of my young'uns, and what could be better!

There's a new day coming

I told you there had to be changes coming right along since the April fiasco, and several things seem to be coming right along. Affordability? Who knows. We'll talk about it this evening. Hang around the bend. Hmmm..... April 5th to, what is today, September 8th. Well, lots of people need or take longer than that to work things out. For today, let's just say, hope, and BELIEVEF this is a bright new coming, a bright new coming, a new day I didn't know existed maybe coming round the bend. Now, could I be able to afford it. Others believe in me; why do I not believe in myself right now?

Our newest addition to our family

Emma Lee Moore
July 31, 2009

My Life II . . . . .

I was just asked if I wanted the blinds raised. I said, "Yes."

My life . . . . .

If life could get any any worst for me, I just don't know what that would be for me right now. The only thing I know to do is to ask for prayers. PLEASE! I need help so badly please. Jocelyn. Please. I'm just about ready to quit life, if I only knew how. . . . . or had the courage.

Getting started

Getting started again. It's hard to do. Things are busy around here. Productive? Who knows? Surely so. I am the one who needs to be catching up. Ooops! They are not the ones who are behind. They are not the ones who have had a timeline before them (that I know of any way) and keep on missing it for one reason or another. Oh, the reasons are good, they even *look* good, but that has not been good enough is not good enough for me. Aaah, that came up dizzy, sputtering for air, but hopefully, you'll get my gist.

Think I'm getting the feel of it all over again, and I'm all ready to start the next page again. Have a dead camera battery, and a missing camera battery from all the moving around getting into here. It is hard to move, be the mover, but, not much hand in the moving, just sending things back home, or over to another part of the room. I still do not think I have camera supplies here unless they are covered somewhere in the bottom of my closet, and I cannot see nor reach that area myself. I'll see if I can figure a way, limited, slow mover that I am. :-( I'll see you later........ oh, my goodness, with much more news and pictures than I've had lately.

Coming up for air

Oh, I am coming up from several days of surreal activity here.

Water, water, everywhere, but..... well, you know how it goes, but just where is that water? All around inside of me...everywhere...some of it staying put, some of it flowing freely, all of it not healthy, all of it causing a problem...One problem of it staying put, I have a picture of right here filling my foot to the point that appears to the point of bursting wide open. Just can't get that water to move on out of that foot. And where did that bruise come from? No idea. They told me in the hospital that I would bruise easily at the slightest touch of most anything, and this surely fits the bill. This surely fits the bill.

The free-flowing water.....it comes from my face still, no less, soaking everything before/below it, whichever you might call it. I folded a hospital towel which would make it several thicknesses, stuffed it in the upper portions of my gown/shirt, later to find the towel, gown, and whatever else I might have used there, totally drenched with a gooy, ooy, slimy, wet-with-something- or-other.....nasty. It is also coming from my legs. All of this has occurred previously; not new. Same places as before, just not as profuse in my legs right now as previously - yet. I say yet because when I was in the bathroom last night I noticed it was trickling down to the floor which it did do before, pooling below my wheel chair. It even did it in Dr. Saeed's office to the point that he was unable to run my special emg test, different from the one he had done in Dr. Latiff's office, he had scheduled. He looked at the pool of water, and asked, "What's this?" and we told him we didn't know, but we hoped he could tell us. Nope. Again, another shrug of the shoulders of the many unanswered questions I have endured the past many years.

I am tired of all the unanswered questions. I am going to pose the questions I have, right here. There is no one I have to worry about offending. I am also going to speak how I feel about staff at Skilcare not listening to me for I have a very strong feeling of paying my way here. They are not the only place in town, and if they do not want to listen to me, I will look some place else. NOT that I would be quick to do that parobably, but that I do not feel a commitment. I will get to work on the Muscular Dystrophy Association supplying my IVIG tests for me. I am just now realizing there is many more that just one fish in this great big sea. Maybe not in this corner of Northeast Arkansas, but.....well..... Let's just say that I think that my feet were not like this when I came to Skilcare, I have spoken and spoken about them, and have received no response of any kind. A nurse asked me how long they had been this way, and I said "weeks" and then realized I had been here for "months", it dawned on me it was while on "their" watch this had all occurred, well..... now I am looking at things today. Looking closely.

I am going to keep my feet no matter who gets their feelings hurt or whatever the correct phrase should be.

I'll be back in a little bit. Took a little nap.

Pencil colors, cell phone, ENORMOUS feet, 288 blood sugar (that's down), more antibiotics, sleep,.....

.....First of all, where do all these things fit in? First of all, colored pencil colors..... fun sharpening 120 colored pencils! Then I'm running my Internet with my cell phone...so smoothly.....My feet look like they are about to burst with deep creases running through them, with minimal walking causing extreme pain (right Pat?). .....228...My current blood sugar after a good diabetic dinner two and a half hours earlier. ..... Antibiotics for the continuing UTI, and Sleep, mooooore sleep.....all day I've slept uncontrollably. While changing meds, I'm having to tritrate the one I was taking while going back on the previous one, so two of the same kind, both of which can cause drowsiness. You have that? I understand what I was trying to say, and that is what is important I guess. :-) On top of all of this, is my visual impairment from the MG. It is soooo bad now. I can barely see the monitor itself in front of me. I just keep pulling it closer and closer to me, memorizing more things on it as I go, double vision, what it feels like, rather like learning to type by touch.....each finger so many places to the right, left, up, down..... you know, just by feel. I just read that description, and it sounded crazy so I do not expect you to understand; guess you have to be here, experiencing it. Anyway, off I go! More sharpening pencils, and doing some drawing, practicing reaching around the keyboard.

Developments

*MY* Myasthenia - You can have it, you can keep it, you can put it in a safe... no, not safety place... how 'bout chop it to pieces, bury it deep in a foreign place, and never more remember where it is. No more of this; no more, no more, I tell you. I don't have the energy nor strenght to cope, to dwell with the drop that is going on. No treatment, no life. Today I'm going to drop everything I can into a basket or bag, and stop my attempt at building a home of my own. here at Skilcare. Dr. Diamond just didn't know how difficult it would be to create me a *home* here. Just sing with me, "Just sittin' on a fence post, sittin' in a corner, tryin' to be-a good girl, but not bein' good at it." Well, it may not have fit the rhyme, meter, tune, etc., that was going through my mind, but don't fret about it, it had my head a-bobing, my mouth a smilin'. Funny that giving up should bring a smile to my face. It's sure much easier to just lay back and let the world go by slowly, leisurly than buck any kind of system or anything; you know? It's been easier to just do whatever I could with my computer, and not get involved with producing anything regardless of the ideas that pop up in my mind. My surroundings are not large enough to manage my thoughts and ideas. God, are you there? You are in control. Right? Right in my book, but I can't find You. There is only one light left on in here. Are You that light? I woke this morning to find myself incased in total darkness. The one light had been disquinished. Lord? Lord? Where are you? Lead me Lord. What are the rules? One day, no rules. Next day, somebody wants some rules, then there are rules. Thank you God for my blog where I can just be free to say what I want to say, where nothing is right nor wrong. I'm not even right all the time, nor wrong all the time. Hahaha Some crazy thoughts, huh? Well, you might not understand me, but God can, and that's Who matters. HE knows my heart, HE knows my turbulence. HE knows ME. HE knows *MY* Myasthenia. HE knows "what will be will be."

Depressed? You bet! Hope? I'm wavering. So many variables are jabbing spears at me, and I'm not doing a good job at dodging them. Hemp. Never was good at playing dodge ball. this has been building since I switched from Prozac to Cymbalta. Another of those "if it ain't broke, why fix it?" That was for a specific purpose though, to try to help my feet, and it seems there has been some improvement there, at least some of the time.

Pictures. Why do I use so many pictures? They do a BUNCH to lift my spirits. The sun shines bright so I think I'll go looking for some of some kind. Today might be a good day to move the rest of my Photo galary over from the other computer. What you say?

Well, I found this bear selling these fresh farm eggs to this little girl, or is she a little lady? She has baby chicks. Wonder if they are for sale or give away? Cute. Wonder what else.

After this, starting over sounds like a good idea. Pictures, just pictures. They comfort, both mine, and graphics. Feels like they fill the inside of me like music did once upon a time.

Pain management progress

My nurses have worked as a team with me in working with my doctor, and today, Tuesday we begin a new regimen of two pain medications as I had in the hospital, percocet, and ms contin, alternating the two. This worked in the hospital, and I believe it will work now. *Someting* has to work!! It just has to. Though not heavy, the bleeding continues, and from my several months experience, I believe it contributes to my pain, for *any* movement within the colon at all causes pain. It was the presence of blood that manifest itself with the severe pain, I can hardly believe it is otherwise now with the presence of blood within the colon. At the end of the med control I find myself covering my face in my hand as I cope with the pain. Sometimes I wonder if I'm hiding. Hiding from what? My eyes are closed. It is dark. However, with my hand over my face, it is even darker, closing almost everything out. What good does that do? Ahhhh......oblivion. Total oblivion. I only wish. Yeah, I wish. I cannot even run away. There are no feet and legs with which to run away. Stuck. I'm stuck with this. For how long? No, not forever. Could I take it forever? What is it that it would take forever? Surely the ulcer won't be around forever. The neuropathy might be. The myasthenia might possibly be. It *seems* the worst is the ulcer pain at the top of the list right now, today, with the neuropathy second. Today. I have to make it through today. I'm alone. All alone. Jessica just gave me a percocet at 5:30 so in about 15 minutes I might be feeling like doing something wothwhile to begin this day productively.

No. 5:45. So far it's not working. I shuffle. I squirm. My feet are cold. My toes are freezing. Get some socks. Text Melissa and Tracy to get me some slipper socks from Wal-Mart. Something heavier than socks that stay on really good. That right side. Jim doesn't think I can do a lithotripsy in Memphis. When I think about it, I'm not sure I can do a lithotripsy at all. Seems like my whole body has gone haywire, something wrong with it all over almost from head to toe. Literally.

6:00 a.m. A moan. A cry. Maybe, just maybe it is improving. I know what I am going to do once I am out of the grips of this monster. I'm going to share with you the colors and images I'm going to print, and add to my wall decorations that match what Melissa and I have already put up here. One Day Surgery sent me a card signed by everyone. That was soooo nice. I just wish Dr. Cauli would try to do something to get me back to getting my IVIGs there once again. If I get them through the Muscular Dystrophy Association I doubt I'll get them through St. Bernard's, but we'll take it one day at a time, one step at a time. Another wait and see sorta thing. It's always that isn't it? It's time to go looking.





There you have it. These are the colors I am using on my wall right now. I can print as much as I want, changing with the seasons.

It is getting close to breakfast time. Yeah, the pain is still with me. They are getting ready to strip my floor. A nice diversion. What else can I say about it? Not much today. There's a new nurse training today. Her name is Chrystal. Oh, I am just rambling on now so it is time to draw things to a close. See you later. Hopefully the MS contin will be here soon. Hope.(Just found out it will be 6:30 p.m.)

Been moved from my room. Feeling better finally. Percocet every four hours until 6:30. That'll do, along with the lyrica.

If God keeps on blessing and blessing!

It's all about......

It is always wonderful to visit with friends of long ago, and it just seems like there have been an abundance of them lately, one way or another. Jim and Jocelyn stand out as sent here to us from God, just at the time when we needed them most. They remain in my life still today as friends extraordinaire, Jocelyn and I going way back to when Jim and I were first married, and having to break up that friendship when we moved to Izmir, Turkey. Throughout the years God has brought people into our lives that have been very special. He knew that going into a foreign country was going to be a unique, sometimes lonely experience for us, so He went about preparing new friends for us to have while we were there.....sure, just while we were there.

It was about a year when he brought another special couple to us. Yes, they were among others, but there was something very special connecting us with them, gluing us together. Actually, more than one epoxy, but if you ask her, Pat would say there was one main one, and that would be our son Jim, aka Jimbo. Her husband Jimmy was in the delivery room the morning he was delivered after a long, complicated labor, but she was the one who stepped in there when she arrived in Izmir, and felt a special bond with this baby we had joyously welcomed into our world. Children have a way of changing everything don't they?

We spent a lot of time with Pat and Jimmy that first year of his life. Then came Christmas. We had spent the first and second years somewhat alone, stories unto themselves. But, this year found us decorating, and preparing for the beginning of a traditional Christmas of our own. Ohhhh..... hear that? Traditional. Not a happy word drifting within the confines of our family so much nowadays. Guess it's not too terribly bad, though. It lasted about 40 years or so. I don't remember specifics, but knowing the outcome, Pat probably joined with me in preparing for Christmas, since they spent the night with us to be able to join in with Jimbo's Christmas morning as a *grown up* one year old.

Meet our friends, Pat and Jimmy Sasser today........