Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Pain management progress

My nurses have worked as a team with me in working with my doctor, and today, Tuesday we begin a new regimen of two pain medications as I had in the hospital, percocet, and ms contin, alternating the two. This worked in the hospital, and I believe it will work now. *Someting* has to work!! It just has to. Though not heavy, the bleeding continues, and from my several months experience, I believe it contributes to my pain, for *any* movement within the colon at all causes pain. It was the presence of blood that manifest itself with the severe pain, I can hardly believe it is otherwise now with the presence of blood within the colon. At the end of the med control I find myself covering my face in my hand as I cope with the pain. Sometimes I wonder if I'm hiding. Hiding from what? My eyes are closed. It is dark. However, with my hand over my face, it is even darker, closing almost everything out. What good does that do? Ahhhh......oblivion. Total oblivion. I only wish. Yeah, I wish. I cannot even run away. There are no feet and legs with which to run away. Stuck. I'm stuck with this. For how long? No, not forever. Could I take it forever? What is it that it would take forever? Surely the ulcer won't be around forever. The neuropathy might be. The myasthenia might possibly be. It *seems* the worst is the ulcer pain at the top of the list right now, today, with the neuropathy second. Today. I have to make it through today. I'm alone. All alone. Jessica just gave me a percocet at 5:30 so in about 15 minutes I might be feeling like doing something wothwhile to begin this day productively.

No. 5:45. So far it's not working. I shuffle. I squirm. My feet are cold. My toes are freezing. Get some socks. Text Melissa and Tracy to get me some slipper socks from Wal-Mart. Something heavier than socks that stay on really good. That right side. Jim doesn't think I can do a lithotripsy in Memphis. When I think about it, I'm not sure I can do a lithotripsy at all. Seems like my whole body has gone haywire, something wrong with it all over almost from head to toe. Literally.

6:00 a.m. A moan. A cry. Maybe, just maybe it is improving. I know what I am going to do once I am out of the grips of this monster. I'm going to share with you the colors and images I'm going to print, and add to my wall decorations that match what Melissa and I have already put up here. One Day Surgery sent me a card signed by everyone. That was soooo nice. I just wish Dr. Cauli would try to do something to get me back to getting my IVIGs there once again. If I get them through the Muscular Dystrophy Association I doubt I'll get them through St. Bernard's, but we'll take it one day at a time, one step at a time. Another wait and see sorta thing. It's always that isn't it? It's time to go looking.

There you have it. These are the colors I am using on my wall right now. I can print as much as I want, changing with the seasons.

It is getting close to breakfast time. Yeah, the pain is still with me. They are getting ready to strip my floor. A nice diversion. What else can I say about it? Not much today. There's a new nurse training today. Her name is Chrystal. Oh, I am just rambling on now so it is time to draw things to a close. See you later. Hopefully the MS contin will be here soon. Hope.(Just found out it will be 6:30 p.m.)

Been moved from my room. Feeling better finally. Percocet every four hours until 6:30. That'll do, along with the lyrica.

No comments: