Saturday, July 18, 2009


*MY* Myasthenia - You can have it, you can keep it, you can put it in a safe... no, not safety place... how 'bout chop it to pieces, bury it deep in a foreign place, and never more remember where it is. No more of this; no more, no more, I tell you. I don't have the energy nor strenght to cope, to dwell with the drop that is going on. No treatment, no life. Today I'm going to drop everything I can into a basket or bag, and stop my attempt at building a home of my own. here at Skilcare. Dr. Diamond just didn't know how difficult it would be to create me a *home* here. Just sing with me, "Just sittin' on a fence post, sittin' in a corner, tryin' to be-a good girl, but not bein' good at it." Well, it may not have fit the rhyme, meter, tune, etc., that was going through my mind, but don't fret about it, it had my head a-bobing, my mouth a smilin'. Funny that giving up should bring a smile to my face. It's sure much easier to just lay back and let the world go by slowly, leisurly than buck any kind of system or anything; you know? It's been easier to just do whatever I could with my computer, and not get involved with producing anything regardless of the ideas that pop up in my mind. My surroundings are not large enough to manage my thoughts and ideas. God, are you there? You are in control. Right? Right in my book, but I can't find You. There is only one light left on in here. Are You that light? I woke this morning to find myself incased in total darkness. The one light had been disquinished. Lord? Lord? Where are you? Lead me Lord. What are the rules? One day, no rules. Next day, somebody wants some rules, then there are rules. Thank you God for my blog where I can just be free to say what I want to say, where nothing is right nor wrong. I'm not even right all the time, nor wrong all the time. Hahaha Some crazy thoughts, huh? Well, you might not understand me, but God can, and that's Who matters. HE knows my heart, HE knows my turbulence. HE knows ME. HE knows *MY* Myasthenia. HE knows "what will be will be."

Depressed? You bet! Hope? I'm wavering. So many variables are jabbing spears at me, and I'm not doing a good job at dodging them. Hemp. Never was good at playing dodge ball. this has been building since I switched from Prozac to Cymbalta. Another of those "if it ain't broke, why fix it?" That was for a specific purpose though, to try to help my feet, and it seems there has been some improvement there, at least some of the time.

Pictures. Why do I use so many pictures? They do a BUNCH to lift my spirits. The sun shines bright so I think I'll go looking for some of some kind. Today might be a good day to move the rest of my Photo galary over from the other computer. What you say?

Well, I found this bear selling these fresh farm eggs to this little girl, or is she a little lady? She has baby chicks. Wonder if they are for sale or give away? Cute. Wonder what else.

After this, starting over sounds like a good idea. Pictures, just pictures. They comfort, both mine, and graphics. Feels like they fill the inside of me like music did once upon a time.

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