Antibiotic turnover

Bet you thought apple, cherry, or any other fruit! No, here we go playing antibiotic turnover. Like fruit basket turnover, replacing one with another. Jim called Dr. Franklin today (Tuesday), and gave him the lowdown about the Doxycycline. I am now taking Azithromycin 250mg pack for five days. Sounds powerful. First thing I did was to go look it up. It did not show on any contraindicated list, though there are some *.....cline* antibiotics listed; I did not check the drug manufacturer list. Hmmm... I just realized I haven't coughed any at all tonight. Could it be? I get this "it's too good to be true" feeling sometimes, especially when it comes to antibiotics working.

I treated myself to a special tonight. I upgraded my Paint Shop Pro X to Paint Shop Pro X2. My PSP X needed reinstalling on this computer, and since it was going to be more than a little bit difficult to find my cd, and I've been wanting to upgrade for some time now, well . . . I went ahead and did it tonight. I have been using PSP since it came out in the early 90s, upgrading all along the way, test driving it with version 8, which is the version I have running on here right now (oh how primitive now! LOL). Later on tonight or tomorrow (Wednesday) I might try to get my Photoshop installed. For some reason or other, I just cannot get myself wrapped around Photoshop. I like it. I have plug-ins for it alone (speaking of plug-ins, that also needs to be done for my PSP - I had soooo many once upon a time, and still do if I can get to my data, and I could if ....... on and on and on ....... it's just so hard whenever you cannot get around to get or find things ....... awk!). I'm not complaining. Just frustrated, which I tend to get whenever I am feeling better, to do things, but cannot do them because of the physical limitations. Hey! You just gotta find a workabout. Alan in Austrailia (check out his blog listed over there beside you - great diabetes information in addition to his travel logs (he has good pictures from everywhere!)) has his Walkabouts and Driveabouts, so why not a Workabout?

Jim is so patient with me and my splurges of inspiration. He accepted long before I did that I couldn't stay strong long enough to complete a project. When I started the IVIG treatments, it disappointed me because Ashley almost expressed complete disinterest, disbelief, dis-this, dis-that.... When I asked her about it, she said, "Well, nothing else has worked, so why should I get my hopes up for this, too?" That was when I began to see reality. It was the same that Jim had seen except that he didn't say so (that's changed more now). I had always thought it a weakness on my part that I was starting things and not finishing them. Not like me at all. Now we know. Yes, a weakness, but not a disinterest. Well, it actually does become a disinterest when I can no longer perform the necessary physical tasks required for the job. Amazing! Now I could quit beating myself up. The MG diagnosis gave the answer to so many questions. Dr. Franklin said he was sorry he did not catch it sooner; it was there all the time, but I had so many things going on, multiple autoimmune diseases, it was just hard to see. Validated. That is how I felt. I have heard the same thing from many other MGers.

Speaking of seeing. I have recently processed some photos that show my ptosis clearly. In all three pictures, my eyes are opened as much as is possible. It *feels* to me as if my eyes are completely opened. This is one thing that leads to my falling asleep so easily. Whenever I look downward, if I do not raise the lid immediately, it is too heavy, and I lose the momentum to lift it back up causing it to remain so nearly closed, and then in a second I am zonked! This is what happens here at my computer, having to look down. I type a little, pause to think, and the next thing I know I am waking to find my unfinished work published, or a hunk missing where it had become highlighted then deleted. Have you ever tried to recapture your thoughts you had hours before? Ha! It's hard for me to do that with only minutes passing. One thing for sure, it has made me become much more diligent and aware of what I am doing. So, from a *bad* thing comes a good thing - some discipline! You think the kids would believe *discipline* is still necessary when you are 65 years old? Let's hope I have used some discipline here because I just found a couple of stray, wandering words, and I have no earthly idea where they came from nor where they needed to go, so off they went! If you need a word here or there, just put it in to suit your fancy.

Looking through my lashes causes a blurred and distorted appearance to things. Sometimes I tape my lid up to remain open while I do something, but that tends to irritate the skin, and I rarely do this anymore. I am also hard of hearing, and the impairment of both has been an emotional battle, but since getting the hearing aids, I am doing better. As I told Jim, I feel a part of the world, a part of the *loop* now, no longer an outsider. My empathy for the sight and hearing impaired has grown beyond measure. There *is* 20/20 vision beneath the lids, the challenge lies in reaching it. Usually, just after an IVIG course of treatment, I will have about a week of *fair* lid muscle use. I get so excited whenever I can see clearly!

This was taken about a month ago as we were dining out.
My pupils were at least half covered by my lashes and lids.

This one was taken in February when I got my hearing aids.
I think it shows the droopiness really well.
Plus, you can see the *whatever* that collects in my lashes.
They require cleaning all throughout the day.

This was taken almost a year ago following my first course of IVIG.
It still amazes me at the change in the cosmetic appearance of my eyes.

Toodles
Striving for a world without Myasthenia Gravis

Autism visited

YESTERDAY

Yesterday I slept the entire day. Then slept all night, with wakefulness here and there. This is normal for me when *My* Myasthenia is out of whack, and with the vision problems I had been having, I was not surprised when the sleepiness hit, though it could at least have given me some warning. With my tendency to resist sleeping and rest, it probably could have written itself on the wall at the foot of my bed, and I still would not have been prepared for it. I just do not like the restorative sleep, naps, and rest MG requires of me. Just think of all that I could be doing during that time! Like visiting your blogs, and writing to so many of you! Well. Nothing I can do about it now, huh?

TODAY

Today I have been reading the blogs of some outstanding mothers. Mothers of children with autism; I am glad to get to know them, and hope to get to know more. I have a special one with autism in my family. The outstanding mother and the child. The mother is my granddaughter. The child is her son, my great-grandson. He will be 5 years old in July.

Whew! Now, in addition to learning all I can about MG, prostate cancer, Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma . . . here are excellent resources for autism. I'm glad the saying about not teaching old dogs new tricks is only a saying with no truth to it. Rather, the reverse is true. The more active we keep our minds, the better they keep, even grow. So, if I appear to have an enlarged, swelled head, it is because of all this new knowledge I'm trying to stuff into it.

I am interested in talking to other moms of children with autism because my granddaughter does not have internet connection, and I'm out scouting for anything that might help her. However, I am severely limited because I am not there day in and day out, walking in her shoes, not only with Matthew, but with 2 year old Kaitlyn, and another one due in May. Only she knows what her needs are to help Matthew.

I know what it is like to have a special needs child, and being all alone with it, especially when there are behavioral issues involved. When you find some other moms going through the same thing you are, it changes your world completely.

Many look at being on the internet as an extra, a frivolity, unnecessary. Maybe. Dunno. That depends. Is it equal to therapy/a support group, or at least close to it? It was for me. I think about the money we spend each month. How much does it actually help me? How long is what it is used for effective? A month? A week? A day? An hour? What do the different things amount to for a year? Do you know how much just one therapy session costs? I do. Goodness, how much has gone for therapy from this household! And it has been worth every penny! How long did those pennies remain effective? Lots longer than a meal at Abeulo's. No. No. Do not misunderstand me. I do not mean for me not to eat at Abeulo's! Just comparing is all.

I'm thinking too much. This is getting to me. I'm filled with thinking of Matthew tonight. And Jennifer. And . . . My grandchildren are tugging on my heartstrings.

Granddaddy and Matthew

Richest blessings on all you mothers of special needs children, especially those with autism. The world's a more beautiful place because of mothers like you.

"If I can help somebody as I pass along, Then my living will not have been in vain."

Toodles
Striving for a world without Myasthenia Gravis

Changes

My computer, my blog, my electronic toys as I like to call them . . . these are my world with me in my bed. No longer - only at this point in time - do I have a home to maintain, like furniture to rearrange, new colors to try out, all those design things a woman likes to do. So guess where my attention is focused to fulfill my designing hunger? Right here! I have looked, and cannot find a layout that I like any better than thisi, plus I do not think that making major changes is really a prudent thing to do. I have some ideas floating around my head that I want to try, so if you come by and things look a little quirky, just know that hopefully, you have caught me right in the middle of moving things, and things will not be staying that way. Then, who knows, I may put everything back exactly like it was in the beginning. Once begun, though, that is doubtful.

That is the creative junkie in me who has been deprived for about the past two years of creativity. Now that I am back to it somewhat, I am like a dried sponge with drops of water hitting it . . . yummm . . . cannot get enough, and like the dry sponge, you can barely tell it has been wet! Little by little the creative imagry, and the prior working knowledge of my graphic programs are returning, and it is touching everything I do. Thus, my impatience with my blog design.

One major factor between my mind and my output is my MG in the name of ptosis, and a dry eye condition called Sjogren's. All day today, including this moment, I can barely see my monitor. Everything I have done, and am doing right now, is by memory of what is located where on the screen. On new screens, I go through some strange contortions to get a clearer view temporarily. I also use some non-preservative drops. Everything eventually gets done, it just takes a while longer, and on the graphic design, I have to do a little extra to make sure of what I am seeing. It is worth the effort, though. All pictures appearing in my blog have been processed by me. I am just at the beginning stage of relearning, and it is quite humbling to be where I am, knowing where I was. But, I will get there again.

Well, you've been warned. I'm off and running. No, I think walking will be just fine tonight.

Toodles
Striving for a world without Myasthenia Gravis

All antibiotics are not created equal

A respiratory infection is not a good thing for a myasthenic to have. I know. It's not good for you to have one either. I'm sorry for you if you have one, too. That is why I was glad I had a doctor's appointment scheduled last Tuesday so that I could get checked, and get started on something for this stuff rattling around inside me. Antibiotics are wonderful. Miracles. One tablet per day, one week of treatment sometimes, and poof! All gone! Have you ever wonder how it felt to be old enough to be around when these antibiotics came on the scene? Don't ask! I was already severely allergic to penicillin by 1956.

As wonderful as these antibiotics are, there are times for a myasthenic that they are not always so hunky-dory, some ghastly, even downright dangerous, as they have actions that worsen myasthenia gravis. I got a prescription for Doxycycline for my infection. I asked about its safety for me, and Dr. Franklin said it was okay. So, no problem . . . got it filled and started taking it right away.

You know how I've been talking about feeling so good and bright and everything wonderful *inside* since my last infusion? Well, I began to suddenly notice it being more difficult to keep on going like I had been doing, feeling a bit more fatigued, my arms especially felt heavier, and they quivered whenever I picked things up from my bedside table. A couple of days ago, though, I noticed the most telling sign of all when it became difficult to depress the left button on my mouse with my forefinger, the dominant one, plus my keyboard felt like the keys were stuck somewhere and I was having to push them with super strength to get them to work. Both are new, with very smooth action. Time to take notice. Wouldn't you? Anything to do with my computer or electronics is the best barometer to use to test my physical status of how alive I am. Joking!! It has even become difficult for me to get my iPod out to listen to it the last few days. Uh oh! So, to the MG sites I go, and wouldn't you know that on the UK Forum there was a recent question about this very antibiotic. Wow, I'm in luck, I thought. Then I read Peter's reply to Jane where she had read on the drug information sheet, and the main site of the drug contraindication. In his reply he said, "....is listed as one which may (but is unlikely) to make your MG worse." Well, now. What to think? Granted on the Myasthenia Gravis Association UK Drugs which may aggravate MG page, it does say *may* aggravate. If *unlikely* then why is it listed as *may*? Dr. Saeed told me to be suspicious of any drugs that are listed. *He* is the one I will listen to. The Myasthenia Gravis Foundation of America has a very thorough, in-depth article in PDF format on Medications and Myasthenia Gravis.

I went on to look up the drug sites to check for information there, and found that in addition to increased MG symptoms, I indeed was experiencing symptoms relative to the drug's adverse reactions, some of them strongly. Unfortunately, I felt I had to stop taking it, and will call Dr. Franklin Monday. It has been 24 hours now, and it is wearing off, and *my* normalcy seems to be returning, though not back to par. Ahhhh... maybe another day just lying here will do the trick. But I've missed roaming round the blogs. I hope I get around to seeing and talking to everyone. I don't like being down and out; miss a day, and it's like you've been out of the loop for a week. There's a bunch of good bloggers out there. I've got to get them listed here. Hmmm. . . maybe a good lying-around-do-nothing-day-job? See? I'm already feeling better than this time yesterday. Good, good sign.

Yep. Feeling MUCH better than yesterday. Happy, happy day! Cara, over in the UK has had an apparent stray female cat keep coming around her flat. She has a tom, Baby. He is tolerant of the girl whenever she gets into the house. Cara is wanting to get her, have her spayed, and adopt her. However, she is afraid she just might be pregnant. Part of her is concerned for the cat's well-being, and part is just because she likes her. Guess I need to go to England some time today. Just a hop, skip,and a jump from Arkansas. See you later, Cara!

This is how it is with MG. Up and down, up and down. You just have to be careful about placing any trust in me. So not dependable. I try, though. Progress is being made.

With all our babies, here is our *grandson* George who belongs to daughter Debbie. He was a birthday present to her a few years ago. I will get to spend some time with George while Jim is recouperating from his surgery, and I am staying with Debbie. While George and I are together, what you want to bet we get some picture-taking done. He makes a handsome subject!

Toodles
Striving for a world without Myasthenia Gravis

Living with Myasthenia Gravis

Life, love, and some laughter have been taking precedence here lately (Oscar traveling incognito, for instance). The main purpose of my blog is Myasthenia Gravis awareness. There is the dual purpose of it for recalling life's stories of the past for my children and grandchildren which was the original purpose, but meaning to bring the MG to the forefront with a near-daily accounting of *My Myasthenia* especially as I undergo IVIG treatments regularly. I am a little bit different from the average, or normal (no such thing) myasthenic (this is what they tell me ;) due to all the other diseases with which I have. Addressing *My* Myasthenia does not mean a medical accounting day-by-day necessarily, for MG touches nearly every aspect of my life, and most of that has been a 180 degree turn around for me. So my coping with life''s usual experiences is dealing with MG.

Recapping events involved with trips to the doctors in Memphis, you know those 1-55 *flat as far as the eye can see* trips, is dealing with my MG, but they are comprised of other aspects as well, the difficulty and stress of getting up, dressing to go, getting in/out of the Expedition, the tedious but also fun part of deciding where to eat, and then the fun associated with that, say like Brittany and Jessica or Keith at Abuelo's. When I go into Outback Steakhouse or any other restaurant, it is no different than when you go in (that *I* know of), but there really is.

Every moment I am in there I am dealing with MG. The obvious, my being in the wheel chair does not bother me. It is choosing what to eat, and then the eating and drinking that are my bigger challenges. Chewing my food weakens and wears down the muscles that control my mouth, rendering it useless. With weakened muscles - this happens relatively quickly - aspiration with or without choking becomes a risk. My speech also becomes affected, and that can be very embarrassing. I do not have these things consciously on my mind as I join you in a restaurant, I am just using this as an example of how MG fits into the coping with my daily life. This is why I write about the *normal* things of life here as *living with* and *coping with* MG. Side by side, except for my sitting in Oscar, we look no different (yeah, well, you know what I mean ;). I do not look sick; I am missing no limbs. There just is no outward appearance anything at all is wrong with me. I am not the only one, of course.

Naturally some days are more MG focused than others simply by the nature of the disease than if for no other reason. Good days followed by really bad days where I can hardly do anything but sleep. I really have neglected the specifics of the disease, especially my medications, what they are for, and how they are all a mixture to help me gain control or remission of *My Myasthenia*. The *inside* of me has been having so much fun that I have forgotten to explain the *body* part, and I really do need to do that because it is all going on, too, and other myasthenics are unable to see the two living together side by side. For instance, it is very easy to choose something really fun to talk about today because *inside* I feel so good. The scalawags do not take precedent though. I don't tell that I have had to go all the way to a lolly during the day which I try to avoid because I can have only one lolly per day, and I do not like to start the night without that one being available in the event of a bad scalawag. The way I have been writing, there is no way another myasthenic would know I am still dealing with my IVIG side effect, and that is defeating my purpose. It is hard to find the line on which to walk here. **Laugh*** Okay, let's be honest. Today I have been battling, and still am, a really, really bad scalawag (new readers, these are IVIG side effect headaches that are unlike anything I have ever experienced, and I have been a lont-time migraine sufferer in the past). Usually, after I take something for the pain, first a percocet then if it is still persists, a lollipop, I will nap for a short while - no choice, I'm a goner - then I will be back here. The unchained naps are what put me behind on my writing. I can say this, though, since blogging I am sleeping less and less. I have so much more on my mind propelling me from moment to moment, and the more interaction I have here, the better it is for me. I am slow to respond to comments, yes, but they really do inspire me to keep on going each day, which is hard to do some days when lying in this bed just seems so futile. To those who leave comments, you have no idea how much you help me cope with this disease. :::wrinkled nose::: It's yucky! *smile*

With the events surrounding my last IVIG treatment, I think it is prudent to look at how I approach my healthcare. The primary word today is Proactive. Lying here beside me are the results of my lab work done at my appointment with Dr. Franklin Tuesday. On it are notations where the results are outside normal limits, or sometimes that the abnormal readings are okay considering my medications or illnesses. But I am kept informed nonetheless every time.

I do lots of Internet search and research about all the diseases I have, and their interactions with each other, doing the same with the vast medications I take. Whenever I find something that strikes me as significant to question, I make a note, or I print it out and take it to my appointment with my doctor(s) for their judgment. We discuss it. Many times my doctors are ahead of me, and have already checked out the point I have addressed. Other times it is something for us to talk about, maybe something to consider. This is what the basis of my medical *team* is all about. Team work, and that team includes ME! I have found it promotes trust with each other. The first words Jim and speak coming from an appointment is either, "That was a good appointment," or a comment stating what we felt was missing or wrong with it. The one we had with Dr. Franklin the other day sent me home feeling really good about how he feels about me as a patient. I liked the way he responded to my last treatment. He made me feel like I was *his* patient. Kind of a reassurance, I guess. I don't know. I don't feel like I am expressing just what I am feeling exactly. I guess you would say it got his "dander up" and went on to give Jim some advice. Anyway. *smile* It's just nice to know that you have a doctor who cares so much.

Okay, to close out, more *fun* pictures from *coping with *My Myasthenia* when we got something to eat following my doctor's appointment last Friday.

Abeulo's

Jim reading the menu

We both love guacamole!

Toodles
Striving for a world without Myasthenia Gravis

The end of ramp gymnastics

They served us well for almost exactly two years. The first challenge after the delivery of my power wheel chair April 2006, was to find the means to get it into the Expedition. Jim went to Lowe's. found him a gentleman who probably knew all there was to know about ramps, and explained to him what his situation was, with something like, "Sir, my wife utilizes a wheel chair, and I have been pushing her in an old used manual wheel chair for some time now because she does not have arm strength to propel herself. We have been gloriously blessed by Medicare with an electric one which has just been delivered. Now, all I have to do is figure out how to get it in and out of the house, and in and out of our vehicle." "Mister, did you see me having some good goof-off time until you disturbed me I am sorry to hear about the situation with you and your wife, and I am more than happy to help you in any way that I can."

The gentleman took Jim over to the ramp section where they sold ramps intended for use in transporting 4-wheelers. Jim purchased the closest thing they had that would result in the angle recommended by the chair manufacturer; this was to the tune of approximately $200. They were too steep. To the drawing board.

Now, I have to tell you something for which I am very proud of my husband of 44 years at that time. You have to understand that I have always been extraordinarily proud of Jim. He has performed beyond his peers throughout his Air Force career, I have watched him climb the ladder of promotions through performance and testing in rapid time; he was genuinely surprised each time, and was always expressing feelings that others were equal to, or more deserving than he. The same was also true in other areas of his life. However, in the mechanical realm, he just didn't get it. This is not to belittle him in any form or fashion at any time. It simply was just not an area he "got." Simple.

So, he returned to Lowe's knowing he needed something at the front door to connect, smooth, the ramps where they met the facing. At the Expedition, he needed to extend the angle of elevation. Now, I'm explaining this, knowing what it looks like, but not knowing exactly how to explain it to you. I know. I'll take a picture in the morning, and post it. He bought a 12 foot by 1.5 inch plank of wood, had them cut it in two, took it to his buddies in the maintenance department at the hospital for them to bore four holes holes for the nuts and bolts to connect to the metal ends he had attached to the wood.

He brought it all home, worked on it out back, and put it all together as he had envisioned it to be, and eureka! It WORKED!

Thus began a unique relationship between Jim, ramps, and chair. It took a lot of times of use for him to finally feel he was in control of the chair rather than the chair being in control of him. For instance, today he can fold the back forward, the foot rest up, and drive the chair wherever he needs it to go more easily than sitting in it and driving it conventionally. Having this kind of control over this size chair, almost 200 pounds, is no small matter.

Over the past two years the chair has only slipped off the ramps two times, and has never fallen. He has never felt like it was an excessive strain, requiring only a slight nudge to get the chair started up the ramp.

The way he put it all together, I teased him and called it his Redneck ramps. Seriously, he has received many, many compliments from people everywhere, especially between here in Arkansas, and Dayton, Ohio, where we visit our grandchildren. People will stop to offer help, and he tells them he has it down to an art now, and they often stand to watch him drive Oscar into the Expedition. He's quick to tell them about my nick for the ramp setup, and they say, "Well, hey man, it works great!" They are impressed that he thought of it himself. Me. too.

The rest of the family and I have been concerned though, and have wanted him to get some automated ramps, but he has not seen things as we do. I'm just the nagging wife, and when we talk, I give him the respect of the reasons he gives me for not wanting to get into purchasing one right now. That's us. This Christmas, though, our son, daughter-in-law, and my sister gave us ramps for Christmas. After a lot of hard work, Jimbo finally found the perfect match, and yesterday began a brand new relationship among Jim, Oscar, and the brand new ramps.

Though not an excessive strain, and I believe him on that point, Jim was really excited whenever he had to come into the house for something, exclaiming, "Boy, those are REALLY nice! You just barely have to give the chair a nudge for it to start up the ramps."

A great big thanks for all that went into making life just a little bit easier for whenever Jim and I go out. The rest of the family just feels a bit better with cutting out Jim's Ramp Gymnastics! He's just going to have to find another sport. Let's see. What could that be?

Here is Oscar traveling in the Expedition with Christen, watching a movie. He's trying for incognito, but I don't think he's doing a very good job of it.

Toodles
Striving for a world without Myasthenia Gravis

Patchwork

Yesterday, we finally made it for my appointment with my Primary Care Physician, Dr. Franklin. He's been putting up with me for about nine years now. When I went to him he was intrigued with my multiple autoimmune diseases. He told me at that time that he was interested in them. I wonder today, after all he has been through with me, if he still feels that way. After yesterday, I think so.

We have had to cancel several follow-up appointments with him because one of us has been sick, or there has been inclement weather. I have not seen him since Jim's diagnosis with prostate cancer. In fact, I think the next to last appointment we had was when he and I talked about my fear of cancer, and he told me he was glad we had that talk, that it was important for him to know. Ironically, just after that, Jim got his news. Then, about the same time my sister receives a Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma diagnosis. WOW! It rained down cancer all around me. It was so real as to feel unreal. Surrealism? Maybe so because Brenda is in North Carolina, and it is hard for me to place her in her real-life situation. No hair? She said the expediency in shaving her hair helped her deal with the emotional part. Okay for her. I know she is handling it beautifully; that is Brenda. There are still a few pebbles in the road for me yet, but that is my problem, for sure not hers.

When she was diagnosed with breast cancer I talked to her about getting text messaging, told her all the pros that I knew she would like about it, and then with further coaxing from nephew Jimbo, she did add it, and I know *I* have been so happy ever since that she did. We both share this thing of thinking about others (each other) but not necessarily in the *mood* for talking, and texting gives us that opportunity to just say, "Hi, I'm thinking of you, and I love you," without having to . . . well, I'm not in the mood right now to describe that particular idiosyncrasy. We understand it. It goes back to when Mama died. In the mood, huh?. Ha! Not in the mood to say "Thank you for renting the bed?" No, she doesn't necessarily want me to say anything. It's the way we are. Why are we so afraid to let our guards down? What would happen if we did? I don't have the answers. It just seems like since Mama died that we have walked in a different periphery, different boundaries maybe? We pulled ours in close. For safety? Why am I afraid to let it go? What would happen? Would I crumble like Humpty Dumpty? You know they couldn't put Humpty back together again? I am just remembering all the things that Brenda and I had to do in the days surrounding Mama's death. Goodness, I haven't thought about all of that in a long, long time. It's all about Mama isn't it? It is. Remember the night a while back when you had to call and hear my voice since you couldn't hear Mama's voice? That is what I would like. Someone to talk to about Mama. Maybe I have someone. Get ready, someone. I miss her terribly. Especially right now. It's okay. I just miss her. It's okay to miss someone. In fact, I should worry if I didn't miss her. I miss Robert, too, but with what is going on in my life right now, it is Mama I need (see, Debbie, you never get too old to need your mommy). We stay little girls forever because mommies need their little girls forever, too - at least in my book they do. *smile*

At my appointment yesterday we talked to Dr. Franklin about the experience I had with my last IVIG experience of spending six days in the ER, and never getting to go to a room, along with some other issues. He was not happy with that at all, and talked especially with Jim. We talked about how the IVIGs were working. It was all in all a very reassuring visit. In light of the new Singulair news about the psychological side effects, we agreed for me stop it to see if the tremors, and other stuff would go away. That would be nice if it was at least a somewhat contributing factor. Blood work for taking methotrexate was also done.

I had my camera at ready going south on I-55. We were on the look-out for three things. First, were the hawks that sit on the fence posts waiting for road kill. Jim only saw one, but there was a big truck in the way for me to be able to catch a shot of it. Another thing was our Christmas tree. Yep, there is a tree off the side of the road and someone has put tinsel decoration on it, and it has hung on there through all the storms that have ravaged through the area since December. Billie missed it. When traveling with Jennifer, and you tried to show her something out the side window, she would say, "Fennifer missed it."

The other thing we were sure would be there for the picture taking would be water. Much of the state of Arkansas was covered by water last week. That also meant the Mississippi River would be up, and farm land near it would be under water. Here are a *few* pictures I took as we crossed the bridge going over into Memphis. Click on the pictures for a full image.

Farm land between
West Memphis, Arkansas
and the Mississippi River






Still traveling on I-40 along farm land




Finally, the bridge up ahead.

Looking from the bridge at
the swollen Mississippi River
and the Memphis skyline.


Looking down the river,
Memphis to the left.

April Fool's Day

So Funny!

Our 46th anniversary remembered

Forty-six years! Do you have any idea all that can take place in forty-six years? I started on this at 3:00 this afternoon, and with a few interruptions, I am just now getting around to completing it; it is 9:00 p.m. Lest there be any misunderstanding, there were not that many interruptions to prevent my working on it, just that I had an idea for which I was searching, and when I get my mind set, it is hard for me to let it go in another direction. In all of that,I never did get my Photoshop installed on here. Another time, I guess. Probably after this is published.

I did not plan ahead to do anything special about our anniversary here today, and now my mind is at work wondering what path to take. If you have been reading along with me, you will know that our Love for each other has developed a luminosity never before attained over these forty-six years. We were like most all young couples when we got married . . . very much in Love! For real. To the best of our ability to know what Love was all about. This new Love of which I speak, such as we had never before experienced comes from an accumulated depth gained from life's experiences you simply did not have as these two young people who only had eyes for each other. We believed we were untouchable. Trauma that brings with it anguish that one doesn't even think is bearable does not happen to "people like us." We had no worries in the world. All was right. We had Love for the answer to everything. We could do anything.

Jim was 22, and I was 19. Note: I was almost 20! Jim has said throughout all these years that his only mistake in life was marrying a teenager, and I just wanted to say I was not a teenager for very long after we married. He was quiet (as you can see, not all the time ;), somewhat reserved. Me? Pretty much the opposite. Jim did not have his first date until he was in the Air Force. He went to First Baptist Church, Montgomery, Alabama, and was a part of the young adults there. Yes, with them, he was active, but his comfort zone that we talk about so much today, was drawn close. Me? It thrilled me to be first. The first to break away from "It's always been done this way," or if no one else has tried it, I wanted to try it just for that reason if no other - within the bounds of my beliefs and morals, though, but there is one thing I did that I'll never understand why I did it, and that was to enter the beauty pageant my Senior year in high school.

You do a lot of things that year simply because it IS your last year, and I think it is a sense of testing the waters after all the protection of the past four years in high school that was preparing you for facing the future. You take these little daring steps to see how you'll do when bit by bit, portions of the shroud is torn away for fleeting moments. Me? The beauty contest? Oh, how funny! What a knee-slapper! I was not bad looking, just not a beauty. Wonder if that meant if I could do that, then I was fairly prepared for most anything in the wide open world? Have you ever walked out on center stage, and it your name was the name the guys are calling out now? Mortification! Think that's when I was brought back to reality. Interestingly, years later I was called out to center stage for presentation of flowers as the organist in a concert. That was altogether different.

Untouchable. No, I am afraid not. Those youngsters at the top had no idea, of course, what all their future held then in 1962. Would I change anything? Only one, and that would be the death of our son Robert. However, that was probably the strongest component shaping who we are today. It is hard to not get off on a tangent here, but just as I learned at that time, life moves on, and so must I move on now.

So. What about this Love I talk about us having today? When I was younger, and felt the passion of Love, I could not fathom . . ahem . . older people really knowing, still feeling what Love is all about. Oh, ho! Did I ever have it backwards! Our lives strewn about with all the kids events for thirty some-odd years, we never had a chance for one another as we did in those first days of Romance. I have stated earlier that once we shook all the kid stuff out of our . . ahem . . hair, we started laughing, getting tickled, even just plain ole being silly sometimes, nothing superficial, but something from deep within. I wish I could describe it more clearly, but I guess maybe you just gotta live it before you can know it, and at 65 and 68, we have lived enough to know it now.

My children and grandchildren have been the joy of my life for the past 43 years, but I am enjoying watching them form their own lives now into what they want for themselves, while their dad and granddad pick up where we left off a long time ago. It is a shame I cannot transfer the expression on my heart as I write this, for you would then be able to see just what Love is all about.

Untouchable. No, the young couple at the top were touched, and it was by all the ways that life touched us that brought us to where we are today. And, in fact, life is still touching us, so we are still adding to the depth of experiences that changes the luminosity of our Love.

Traveling home!

It is time to sit back, relax, and take a break. The last time we were at Barnes & Noble Jim found us some Gaither and Sandi Patti CDs from the 70s and 80s when we used to go see them in concert. They are now in my iPod to which I have stuck in my ears. At this moment, however, another I have put on here is playing . . . Pink Panther!

It feels good to just let my mind wander with no express purpose as I lie here. Okay, some may say that is the way it is most of the time. I think sweety over there would jump on that one right away, especially if he's been out around town running errands, doing those wifey things that have been thrust his way since becoming my caretaker. Even more so if he has been to the drug store where he has been cutting up with Jerry, and the others down there. What a cut-up!

How much can I talk, though? When I got out of the hospital last Saturday, Jim thought I might like to go some place to eat since eating out of those little plastic containers for the past six days, though I had just gotten something for the ole scalawag just before we left the hospital, and though it was one o'clock, and I'd had no lunch yet, with nothing at all since breakfast. No! Me? Eat? Oh, why, Jim, darling, how sightless how visionary of you . You've always been so sensitive that way, especially when it has come to eating out. :::wrinkling nose::: That's your specialty isn't it? It seems like it is always time to ask, "What do you want to eat for lunch or dinner?" Then you and I have these special diets, but in a way that makes it easier because they automatically cut so many foods out of the list of expostulation - ohhhhhh big word, live on Thesaurus! Ha! Ha! Was it you who said let's go out back go to Outback Steakhouse? Sure sounded good to me. It even felt like we were chasing the scalawag away.

We seem to have gotten here at a good time for the number one handicap place is empty. Well, actually, all the handicap places are empty to be exact. Aren't we so special! Up and out, roll 'em up the ramp, and there is Brittany. "Hellllo, Brittany! How are you today?" What a nice beginning to the outside world. She escorts us to our table where Jessica will be our waitress, and what a treat that will be!


Jessica was a pure delight. We had a most enjoyable dining experience, and it was not only because of the food, as delicious as it was, and it was delicious!

Once finished, though, it was time to finish the leg of our journey to Arkansas, and on home to Blytheville! As much as I get go irritated with it, still it is Home Sweet Home sometimes, especially after the week just preceeding it!

When we got outside into the parking lot, and while Jim was setting up the ramp, I just wheeled around taking pictures. Then when we got over into Marion, AR, Jim had to gas up, and I thought and got a picture of the Flash Market where we usually stop for gas and whatever else, plus there is a Sonic just down the street behind it.

As we drove on up I-55 towards Blytheville, I thought about all the people I talk to here on the web in the newsgroups, email groups, blogging community, and anywhere else I might be missing, and though I talk about the flat cotton land all about me, many or most have never seen its vastness - unless you live in Kansas maybe, and that is flat country! Remember my snazzy little red camera, my toy I had to get last month after I wasn't sure if my cutie pink one was dead, or just the battery was dead? I've been soooo happy with it, carrying it about whenever and wherever I go, it and my cell phone always ready for GO, so as we moved along I started snapping pictures out my window at a land that has become so familiar to us.

So some pictures form the rest of our trip home. One thing I noticed while working on these pictures - not a cloud in the sky.

What a beautiful day.