Monday, February 23, 2009

Still progressing ~ "Better Life"

Better Life

Friday night and the moon is high
I'm wide-awake just watchin' you sleep
And I promise you you're gonna have
More than just the things that you need
We ain't got much now, We're just startin' out
But I know somehow paradise is comin'

Someday baby, You and I are gonna be the ones
Good luck's gonna shine
Someday baby you and I are gonna be the ones
So hold on
We're headed for a better life

Oh now there's a place for you and me
Where we can dream as big as the sky
I know it's hard to see it now
But baby someday we're gonna fly
This road we're on, you know it might be long
But my faith is strong
It's all that really matters


So hold on, hold on
C'mon baby, hold on

Yeah, we're gonna have it all
And ooh


Oh, a better life
Hey we're gonna leave this all behind us baby, wait and see
We're headed for a better life, you and me
We're gonna break the chains that bind and, finally we'll be free
We're gonna be the ones that have it all, you and me
Just hold on tight now baby

God NEVER promised us an easy life. Never. He DID promise to give us strength and to love us and carry us through those hard times. HE will see us through, if we let him. We have the promise of eternal life…and a MUCH BETTER LIFE than we have here. We need to use THIS life to make a difference in someone else’s. Some people focus on making things better for themselves…what’s happening in THEIR life- we know our carepage readers are the other kind- people who focus on making things better for someone else, and for that we are FOREVER grateful. Coleman's journey has taught us, there are SO many AMAZING people who care. With all of the news aired on TV about how bad things are, ONE thing we know is the love of God has been and continues all around us. People are doing so much good for one another, and it warms your heart.

Like the words Coleman sang…
“Someday baby, you and I are gonna be the ones, so hold on…we’re headed for a BETTER LIFE!”

We’re holding on Coleman.

by Peggy Larson

Just as Peggy has written, and I have also said for many years now, we were not promised a perfect, easy life, but God *did* promise to be there for us, with us all the way. People have asked me many times how I, *we* got through all we did, and the only thing I could say is that when we needed the strength, God was our refuge, our strength during the troubles. He NEVER, EVER let me, *us* down. I include Jim here because as we have talked, he, too, has voiced the same feelings. Without our foundation I do not see how we could ever have made it. There have been SO many things that have not even been mentioned here. There are many our children do not even know about, but my plan is for them to know about them as time goes on. Praise God. He has brought us through it all individually. Beginning in our childhood our lives have been shaped and molded, maybe not like our children would have liked, but in a way that prepared us for the future we were going to face one day. Jim didn't ask for his trials and tribulations, nor did I ask for all these diseases that impacted our family so devastatingly. When I went to Co-D therapy, I found that chronic illness is at the top of the dysfunctional family, and I think maybe after child of an alcoholic. Ha ha. Guess where I fell? My poor family never had a chance did they? WRONG! They just cannot imagine what it might have been like without the blood and the power of Jesus Christ. I don't even like to think how far they might have gotten without Him in our lives. Perfect? Oh, my no. Not by a long shot, but He knew that; He knew our imperfections, our impurities, and He has been there to wash them out of the way so He could work His work in us. Oh, thank you Jesus!

So where does this put us today? A few more antibotics yet to take, and I can tell I still need them, too. The Estrace is working, but it is needing more time. That problem did not happen overnight, and it for sure is not going to heal, and replace that skin overnight. I want to say my left side is A-1, but not so. I *am* feeling somewhat better, but falling off into MG naps, and waking feelig better, and stronger which means they were needed. I guess that all adds up to the acute situations showing marked improvement with the MG moving along as usual, only still having to take the higher dosage of pyridostigmine. My eyes (ocular MG) are still giving me the most trouble.

I can only praise and thank God I am no longer in pain. That was absolutely horrible. Wednesday night in Jonesboro for the IVIG, it is absolutely impossible to accurately describe the pain. Jim was in the bathroom with me. He sleeps in walking shorts, and I grasped them with a clenched fist with, I guess all the strength my MG allowed me, and I just cried and screamed J-J-J-J-i-i-i-i-m-m-m-m. Oh, God! I can not remember calling out to God like that ever before, but then I just screamed and cried until there was no sound coming from my *voice* (is that the right way to describe it?) yet I was still screaming. Maybe that was to keep the neighboring rooms from hearing me, I don't know, but I do know it is how torture feels. I've always wondered why people cried, screamed, etc., because it did not stop anything, but it does offer some amount of consolation (?). I looked up at him and asked what we should do, and he said he didn't know. I think it was he who mentioned the ER, and that was the only solution I could think of, too, so I went in what I had on, he put his jeans on, and off we went.

The ER is not a place we go unless, well, unless it is an obvious emergency. How do you weigh being in pain an emergency. On top of the pain was all the bleeding, so it wasn't so benign. They were not too busy at 3:00 a.m. and they took me on back before too very long, and got me up on a bed thank goodness! Questions and questions, and they ended up giving me a shot of morphine which didn't knock me into another world until we got back to our room in the Annex, so I was still able to drive my vehicle. :) They had wrapped me up good in a wonderful blanket, and I wanted Jim to buy one for me. :(

I got up and made it over to the hospital in the morning for the next day's IVIG treatment. No way was I going to let anything stop that. The morphine kept its stupid side effects going most of the day. I slept all day, and said crazy things. I sure hope no one holds me accountable for all of it!! Thursday night I hoped I could sleep or be quiet so Jim could get some sleep. Not sure how much sleep, but at least I didn't get him up and over to the ER again. Just to endure Friday, and then go home. Jim had managed to get me an appointment with Gubin, urologist, on Monday afternoon. That was when I found out what all was wrong with me, and feel like I was on the trail to recovery finally.

I have skipped over Thursday and Friday lightly, but they were more of Wednesday night, except that I was doubling up on my pain meds so managing to get by, and put on a happy face when needed. It caused me to run out of my monthy quota, but what else could I do? I couldn't go to the ER every day. I don't know. I had no answers. It was like nothing I ever experienced ever, ever before.

I have held this open for something else, but have now decided against it at this time, so this will find me saying adieu to you for now.

1 comment:

Jocelyn said...

Hi Ragdoll
I am so sorry that you had to go through all the things you wrote about. I cannot imagine the kind of pain that you had. Pain has never been one of my problems. I thank God for that. You are amazing. You seem to handle things knowing that God is on your side. What would any of us do without his love shown in the caring for us, the release of pain, the hope for a better tomorrow.
Nearly every day I tell my Jim how much I wish there was something we could do for you. We do what we can which is to pray and keep in touch but I want to do more.
I had my last appointment with the doctors today for a month. I think they are trying to tell me they do not know what to do. The ball is back in my court for this month. I have to log every bite of food I eat and also log my blood sugar readings. If the medication that they sent me home from the hospital with does not work combined with the diet and exercise they will have to put me on insulin. I am going to give it a try. It may be easier now that they have taken away some medications that were not good for me. Sometimes life is hard. Food has always been my comfort. The sweeter the better. Those days are gone for ever. I already feel better just eating the fruits and veggies that I need and controlling my carbs, potassium and sodium. My life is now changed for sure. I'll let you go now, just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about all your problems coming on you at one time. I love you and hope that the rest of this week will be full of good days for you.