Thursday, February 5, 2009

No go for the neurology appointment today - minor crisis instead

I just have the hardest time reconciling myself with this disease. First, it was coming to grips with it, and believing it truly was real that I do in fact have it, and it is going to hang around. It is not curable, and it seems all I do is spend time trying to find a combination of drugs that will render me symptom-free.

I remember when the bouncing ball came to television at the bottom of the screen. Oh, so very cute we thought. Yeah, okay for a ball, but whenever it is your body bouncing all over the place, not so fun. Right now, I'm further behind, rather moving ahead. Like look at my window seat I had special made. Before I got my hospital bed, and was sleeping on the couch, I was at least being able to get around the house in my wheel chair and do some decorating, fixing up, whatever you call it. I did flowers, sat before the window at the window seat, felt I had something to look forward to. Now? I'm stuck in this bed in a corner, the window far, far away with hope gradually drifting from the picture. If this were the only option, I could work with it, and handle it, but it is not the only option. When I got my power chair, it added so much to my life because I could flit from here to yon down here. No longer. I feel like a pig stuck in a mud puddle. Nah, I don't know if pigs get stuck in the mud, but just picturing it im my mind they *look* stuck. See, that is me. I *look* stuck, but I'm not really stuck because there is my saving grace, my chair, but we cannot connect.

There is also sooooo much more I can do for myself if I were free to get out of this bed. Mercy, I don't have to be perfect to get up and around here, and I surely do feel better otherwise than I have felt in a very long time. Is it the Imuran? Reducing the Prednisone? What? I haven't the faintest idea, but if I'm up and around, and MG throws me a curve, all I have to do is get in bed, take a nap. This is what I hear others doing, and they do not lie up in bed all day and night. Well, at least those who talk about it, and they are real people, in real places. Sure, I know I have a lot of other things, but my trusty ole chair compensates for much of that. People without their leg function, well, I just know they are more active than I am. But, there again, where am I going to go? Jim told Wanda that the mess here was my fault because of the need of my things to be right here, and I disagree with that. Difference of opinion. That's all.

I wish events would quit happening for us that try us, individually, and as a couple. It just taint fair!! We deserve some beautiful golden years without drama. Ah! I'm going off here for a while and look at pictures/graphics. *Need* to be working on pictures for here, but then again, m a y b e (say slowly) not. I'm off for a while.

Results from my picture scavenger hunt. Found two things. First is this lovely lady. And why might I choose her, you ask. The way she sits says, "I'm in charge, just the way Missie taught me to be." Yeppers. She has to be second only to our Missie, sought and trained by her, just like the hawks on the fence posts along I-55, East side, headed toward Memphis in the mornings. Look at the comparison in the painting versus the photo. Even while balanced on the back of my chair, chasing balloons given to me by Bankie, Missie still maintains her composure. She is not as "at ease" as the cat in the painting. Ever vigilant. That is her, and one very, smart cat. I pulled another photo, but may not have time to put it up here right now. I'll see. Now to the other one. **Okay, this is just me, but I couldn't stand it with the other picture of Missie, and I had to go get it and work it up to match the first one...or do you know which one was first? Sure you do. I told you didn't I? I'm the one who forgot. ;) In the second one, I had started packing my carpet bags,

felt this strange feeling come over me, and looked down. There I found Missie looking up at me. She knew. She knew every month when I got my carpetbags out that I was getting ready to go away for a while (5 days). After my first extended time away, she started pooping at the front door on the throw rug I had there. Once it went a couple of months of *both* of us being gone, and coming back together, she has now stopped. However, Jim had to take the rug up before she did it, unless it was coincidental on the timeline. Another thing, I do not use my carpetbags anymore for the trips over to Jonesboro. Again, coincidence, or is she as smart as we are thinking her to be. There are many, many other times that we look at each other in wonderment. I'll not spell them out because if I did you would think we were crazier than you already are thinking of us.

Yes, the hawks do sit on the fence posts on I-55. Yes, they are in the same stance as Missie sits 90% of the time. The stories, we make up to entertain ourselves., get tickled, and laugh at ourselves, a couple of old people traveling down the Interstate. Ummm, thinking...oh, yes, in charge. She thinks herself in charge in every kind of way of every kind of thing. However, twin sister Callie has started sleeping in her place with me, and now she does not have me whenever she ups and decides, a transition over the past year (I bottle-fed them as babies to keep them alive and am VERY attached to them whether they are to me or not). This has caused me a LOT of grief, and I mean teary grief, too. She didn't just up and walk away from me. Oh, well, it probably was not good for me to be so attached to a pet like that anyway. There I go, explaining it away.

These are just three pictures of kittens frolicking with birthday festivities that I found lifted my spirits, and were very cute. I loved the confetti flowing all around. I've always had a yen to just throw something up like that and let it go into the air wherever it pleased. Maybe I was wishing that about myself. Reckon?

Ragdoll and I have to say good-bye for now. Didja notice...the big ole white spaces and ads are gone? Now, if I could just get rid of that Adsense. Slowly but surely I'm going to get things situated now that my focus has changed.


Debra Sale Wendler said...

Good morning,

I am thinking of you today and sending you strength and peace. I am so sorry you are ill. And I am happy for the joy you are able to find despite it.

That is how we must look at things. Find the happy space between the difficult parts, right?

Big Texas hugs to you.

Sincerely yours in parenting success,
Debra Sale Wendler

Nurul said...

Dear have you heard of this;

I tried on clearing my past issues and I got some surprising results.

With love,


Cindy Breninger said...

Hey girl, just wanted to drop by and let ya know I was thinking about ya! Hugs!